Matthew Perry’s story of addiction and recovery is more common than you think

In his 2022 memoir, Friends, Lovers and the Big Terrible Thing, the late actor Matthew Perry revealed that he had 15 different stints in rehab before he found long-term recovery. To people unfamiliar with substance abuse, that might seem like an unusually high number of attempts, but those who work in the recovery field aren’t surprised.

Abstinence and long-term recovery are two different things. Abstinence is the act of being free from all mood- or mind-altering substances. Recovery is the active change in ideas, attitudes and, ultimately, one’s behavior, according to recovery specialist Derek Lamphier who works in the Emergency Department at Cape Cod Hospital. Part of the problem is access to treatment, coupled with the fact that a lot of people who suffer from addiction don’t know about treatment options available to them.

“Matthew Perry had a surplus of money and probably the best insurance in the world and access to treatment that I would say 93 to 94 percent of the rest of the population doesn’t have,” Lamphier said. “And if you don’t know what help is available (i.e. treatment, self-help groups, therapy), you will struggle to find a new way to live.”

Lamphier draws on his own personal experience to help others. He was actively addicted to drugs for many years. The first two times he went to rehab it was through a court order known as section 35 petition made by his family. The judge deemed him a danger to himself and others and had him committed to a rehab facility.

“The last time I went into treatment, in 2014, I went to Gosnold and I went on my own,” he said. “And that was really only because my life had blown up in front of my face. I overdosed in my mother’s living room. I was looking at jail time. I had lost my soul and myself as a person and I really had no other option. So, for me, it was like okay, I do this or go to prison. I do this or I die.”

After receiving treatment, he became active in a 12-step fellowship. Even so, he relapsed one more time. But this time it was different, he said. He relapsed for one day and immediately reached out for help. He went right back to meetings and contacted his sponsor every day.

“Now I give back to my community and I give back to others like myself, who are in recovery or trying to obtain recovery,” Lamphier said. “Being of service and giving back to members of a fellowship is what helps keep me clean. As a professional who works in the substance use field, I do see that individuals relapse and can struggle to find long-term recovery.”

Several Steps

Part of the problem is that there are several steps to the process. The first step is to get through the physical piece. People have to safely detox from drugs and alcohol with medical supervision. That is an important step, but only the beginning of a lifelong process, Lamphier said.

“Once you get physically stabilized, then it’s the mental obsession,” he said. “All you can think about is using drugs or alcohol. Your mind is wrapped around this and it’s relentless. It doesn’t let go.” Lamphier said he will never forget the first day he got through the whole day without thinking about drugs, likening it to a spiritual awakening.

The third part of recovery is the hardest part, in his experience, and that is finding a new way to live. Even though Lamphier believes there are many pathways to obtain recovery, including in-patient treatment, 12-step fellowships, Medically Assisted Treatment (MAT) and private therapy, the most successful path for him began with detox and then a stay at a long-term treatment facility. From there, he recommends going to a halfway house or a sober house coupled with 12-step meetings.

“The therapeutic value of one addict helping another addict is without parallel,” he said. “The support and unconditional love received from others in recovery has been the driving force of change in my life.”

Reasons for Addiction Differ

Lamphier grew up in an emotionally and physically abusive home. For him drugs were a way to cope with that experience.

“Drugs took away all of the pain and anxiety and trauma,” he said. “For me, drugs did exactly what they were supposed to do - until they didn’t. I started losing everything in my life and I ultimately lost myself.”

Becoming drug-free has other emotional complications. Lamphier was filled with guilt and shame over his behavior and what he had become. All of a sudden, he was hit with strong emotions about all of the destructive things he had done, but he didn’t have the one vice that he had used in the past to deal with those feelings.

Everyone who becomes addicted to a substance has a different story, background and reason to use drugs, Lamphier said. Even though he had a traumatic youth, he knows many people who come from stable families who became addicted. A lot of people who become addicted also have co-occurring mental illnesses like depression, anxiety or bi-polar disorder, he added.

But he does see some similarities between all people who become addicted: Most of them feel like they are somehow different from other people.

“The common denominator in that issue is that most people like myself have always struggled with a low sense of self-esteem, low self-worth and a general negative outlook on life,” he said. That’s where the 12-step fellowship can really help, he added. A connection with other people who will always have his back and finding a God of his understanding are two of the most powerful things that keep him going.

A Daily Commitment

He sees commonalities in those who relapse, he said. They get complacent and stop doing the things that have helped them feel better. They get a new job, repair relationships and begin to think they can do it on their own without support.

“The common theme is that they stop doing what they were doing (to maintain their recovery),” he said “Whether that is going to meetings and calling their sponsor and doing step work, or they stopped going to their clinic for MAT’s, or they stopped seeing their therapist. So, they stopped doing the work necessary on a daily basis.”

The only thing that those in recovery are promised at the end of the day is one day at a time, Lamphier said. He doesn’t know what will happen next week or next year, but he does know that if he continues to do what he is doing now and he asks for help when he needs it and makes his recovery the most important thing in his life, he won’t use or relapse.

“I’m grateful to be an individual in recovery because it’s given me a life beyond my wildest dreams,” he said. “The best way for someone like myself to continue to stay in recovery is to give back and help others like myself.”